


blueberry knees

by violetmessages



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, M/M, Post-Episode: s02e13 Exit Wounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:33:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29838162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetmessages/pseuds/violetmessages
Summary: If Ianto thought about it, the way Gwen’s illness progressed was rather like falling asleep. Slowly and surely, but then all at once.He hadn’t noticed it at first - he still loathed himself for not recognizing that something might be wrong. But he hadn’t, no one had, so it slipped through, like little crumbs falling between the crack of their ancient sofa.And there was nothing to be done about it.
Relationships: Gwen Cooper & Ianto Jones, Gwen Cooper/Rhys Williams, Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones
Comments: 8
Kudos: 29





	blueberry knees

If Ianto thought about it, the way Gwen’s illness progressed was rather like falling asleep. Slowly and surely, but then all at once. 

He hadn’t noticed it at first - he still loathed himself for not recognizing that something might be wrong. But he hadn’t, no one had, so it slipped through, like little crumbs falling between the crack of their ancient sofa. 

And there was nothing to be done about it. 

* * *

Jack was sitting in the SUV, tapping up at the Satnav when Ianto got to him. He clambered in and buckled up, knowing full well the speed at which Jack drove at. 

“What have we got?” he asked. 

“Rift alert near Bute Park. Scans say that it's relatively smaller,” said Jack. “I think we can get it before Gwen comes in.” 

“What _will_ we do all that extra time?” Ianto asked, raising his eyebrows in mock curiosity. 

“Oh, I have a few ideas.” Jack smirked. “Come on.”

Then he pulled the SUV out of its parking spot and careened down the road at a ridiculous speed. It didn’t take too long to retrieve the Rift Gift; It was quite obvious that the black device emitting a faint beeping noise didn’t belong. Ianto slid on a pair of sterile gloves and deposited the device into a clear plastic bag, sliding it shut. 

“Well, that was easy,” said Ianto, smiling at Jack. “Hub?”

“If I can get there before Gwen comes back, then I get to do the thing you did to me last night.” Jack grinned. 

“Deal.”

Unfortunately for them, Gwen had entered the Hub well before they came back, and Jack gave him a pitiful look. 

“Maybe tonight,” Ianto muttered, and went to go get Gwen her morning coffee. Getting back, he noticed that both of them were toying with the Rift Gift. 

“I don’t think that’s safe,” he remarked, handing over Gwen’s coffee. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

“Thanks Ianto,” said Gwen, smiling. 

“It looks like a Flibian children’s toy,” Jack said. “I’m just looking at it.”

“Alright,” Ianto said, not convinced. “What does it do.”

“Not sure,” said Jack, and tried his best to pry the top of the toy off. Gwen laughed at him. 

“Don’t just pull it off,” she said, laughing. “There’s got to be some kind of lever somewhere.”

She pushed Jack out of the way and felt up the sides of the disk. It didn’t seem to open, only laying there, flat and lifeless.

“Guess it didn’t work,” said Ianto. Gwen frowned and felt around the lid. Once again, it didn’t do much. 

“Alright then,” said Jack. “Put it back in the bag and give it to Ianto to put away.”

Gwen dutifully placed it back in the bag and handed it to Ianto with a smile. 

“What kind of children’s toy is that,” she asked. “Doesn’t look that fun.”

“It’s supposed to open,” Jack said. “I don’t know, maybe it’s just broken or something.”

“Maybe,” said Ianto. He had an odd feeling about it, but he forgot about it when he filed it in the Archives. 

* * *

On Tuesday, Gwen came in with a slight headache. Ianto recognized it right away, he knew what Gwen was like when she felt miserable, shoulders slumped, head resting between arms on her desk, so he went ahead and made her coffee first, pouring in that vanilla syrup she favored that, in his opinion, ruined the flavor of the roast. But Gwen wanted it, so regardless of his own feelings, he dipped in the syrup and added in milk and cream, stirring until it was perfect. Ianto picked up the tin of chocolate biscuits and walked over to her desk, putting them down next to her, and placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. 

“Bad morning?”

“The worst,” she mumbled from where her head laid on her desk. “Have the worst bloody headache. Feels like I can’t move without wanting to throw up.”

“Why are you here then?” he asked, a little worried. “Why didn’t you just stay home?”

“Thought it would go away,” she muttered. “Keep your voice down, it hurts to hear you talk this loudly.”

“Sorry,” whispered Ianto. “I think you should go home. You look sick enough. I’ll drive you.”

“We’re understaffed as it is,” complained Gwen. “I can’t just leave you here to mind the Rift alone.”

“You’re not going to be much help like this,” he chided. “Look, at least lie down for a bit on the sofa if you won’t go home.”

And he tugged her up, pulling her out of her chair. Gwen moaned and screwed her eyes, turning to fit her head against his chest. He smiled and marched her over to the sofa, and helped her lie down onto it. 

“Stay,” she ordered quietly, and tugged on his sleeve like a little child. He smiled and sat at the edge, and Gwen plopped her head onto his lap, tugging the slightly threadbare blanket they’d collected at some point over her body. 

That was the thing about Gwen, and Jack as well. All they both needed for comfort was touch, a friendly pat, a hug, a lap to sleep on. And they wouldn’t just expect it for them. Both of them reached out, and reached out to Ianto often, stroking, patting, touching, things that sometimes felt very overwhelming. He was getting better at it, and especially after Tosh and Owen, he felt a very urgent need to get better at the sorts of affection that Gwen and Jack not only took, but sought after. 

It was why, instead of getting up to fill Jack’s coffee mug with his second cup of the day, he let Gwen use him as a pillow, and stroked her hair in an effort to soothe her. He knew how to take care of them, and even if it felt like a hand was permanently clasped over his throat, clutching it firmly and not letting him say the things he didn’t know how to articulate, he could show them instead. 

It was nice, honestly. Peaceful and quiet in a way that didn’t seem empty for _once._ He could hear a faint rustling from above, probably Myfanwy, the sounds from the water tower, the hum of noise from the computers. The ambient sounds of the Hub, ones they had gotten used to hearing, were now in full focus. Ianto closed his eyes and leaned back. 

Maybe he could get a nap in as well. 

* * *

Wednesday came and went, Gwen’s headache still present, but according to her, it was getting better - something Ianto did not believe in the slightest - but it persisted all throughout Thursday as well. At this point, Jack had caught on, and was oscillating between pretending Gwen was going to be absolutely fine and threatening to call Martha if she didn’t go home. It was understandable why. Jack wanted to either be in complete denial that something was happening to his already shrunken family, or he wanted to wrap them in bubble wrap and physically force himself in front of any danger they might face. 

Gwen did not go home, nor did Jack call Martha, but it was pretty clear that she was not doing alright. When she started to develop large blue pock marks all over her arms and legs, Jack realized what was going on. 

“It looks like neo-polio,” he said, eyes wide with concern. “I don’t know how you picked it up but we need to keep you isolated in the Hub.”

“Is she going to be okay?” asked Ianto, quickly.

“How does it spread,” Gwen asked in shock. “Do you two have it? Does Rhys?”

“It only spreads through skin contact with the virus itself, so we should be fine. It’s-” Jack cuts off, looking a little worried. “It’s not supposed to be a horribly deadly disease but-”

“-But?”

“Unless you have a bad reaction to it, I'm sure you can treat it like the common cold. But I’m not letting you go home, not until we know for certain that you’re all better.” said Jack. “Go call Rhys.”

“Then where am I supposed to sleep?” asked Gwen, slightly belligerently. “Certainly not in that little sex-pit of yours.”

“Sexpit?” Jack asked, looking offended. 

“Well what else am I supposed to call it, huh?” complained Gwen. “I’m not sleeping in there.”

“There’s a few storerooms downstairs with spare mattresses,” Ianto interrupted. “I’ll bring one up for you, that way you can sleep and we’ll keep an eye on you. Why don’t you take a rest on the sofa while I go get it.”

“Fine,” said Gwen, and Jack held out a hand to help Gwen walk to the sofa. Ianto turned and walked down the stairs to the lower levels, sniffling at the dust that had gathered. While there were mattresses somewhere, he was sure that they hadn’t been used since the seventies. 

He walked through and found a pile. Sorting through them, Ianto pulled up the one that looked the least stained, and manhandled it upstairs, surprised that it fit through the door. Then he went back down to see if they had blankets and sheets, which, surprisingly, they did. 

“Here, come lie down,” he said gently to a drowsy Gwen, who was idly scratching at her arm. Ianto hooked his arm around her and walked her to the mattress, which now lay in the middle of the floor of the Hub, near his desk. He helped her lay down and she immediately fell back asleep, still scratching her arms. 

“Don’t do that,” he chided, then realized that she couldn’t hear him, so he just pulled her hand away from her arm. He layered the blanket over her and went back to work, keeping a careful eye on her. 

Gwen slept calmly throughout the day, and the only thing that Jack seemed to be concerned about was her itching, pulling her scratching hands away from her arms several times. Otherwise, he didn’t look too worried. 

“I think she’ll be fine,” Jack said at the end of the day, smiling. “I should probably stay here, just to keep an eye on her, but you can go home.”

“It’s fine,” he replied. “Besides, might as well put Gwen’s nickname for your sleeping room to use.”

He winked, and Jack’s face lit up. Placing his hands on Ianto’s shoulders, he pulled Ianto closer and grinned. 

“What should we do first?” he teased, and Ianto pulled him in to kiss languidly. 

“Let’s start with that,” he whispered, and leaned forwards again. 

* * *

Gwen’s fever got far worse in the morning. Throughout the night, she had apparently scratched at her arms and legs so hard that they were bleeding, crimson all over the covers. However, what worried them was that they couldn’t wake her up.

“I’m calling Martha,” Jack said, looking pale, and ran off. Ianto winced at the sight, pulling Gwen’s hands away before fetching the first aid kit.

He pulled out a cloth and gently wiped off the blood that seemed to cover her entire body. 

“Come on,” Ianto said, as he bandaged her bloody arms and legs. “Wake up, you have to, please.”

But Gwen stayed sleeping, still reaching out to scratch the blue pock marks, the ones that could no longer be seen over the white that covered her arms and legs. Ianto thought about it for a while, then gently bandaged the tops of her fingers so she couldn’t bite into her flesh with her nails. Just as he finished, Jack ran over.

“Martha says she’s on her way,” said Jack, looking scared. He knelt down next to Ianto, and took Gwen’s hand in his. “I-”

“She’ll be alright,” Ianto lied, placing his hand over Gwen and Jack’s clasped ones. “Of course she will.”

Ianto’s words felt flimsy in his mouth, but there was no way he wouldn’t project hope outward. Both for Jack’s sake, and his own. 

“It’s _Gwen,_ ” he choked. “She has to.”

Jack placed a hand over her chest, and seemed to pale even more. “I - she’s breathing too slowly.”

“What do we do?” Ianto asked quickly. “I don’t - should we bring her to a hospital.”

“We’ve got to have an oxygen mask around here somewhere,” said Jack, jumping to his feet. “Stay with her.”

He ran to the Medbay, and Ianto heard the sound of crashing, probably equipment, as Jack searched through it. Ianto kept a tight grip on Gwen’s hand, looking at her in abject horror as the minutes passed by. Finally, Jack lugged up the twenty-seventh century breather and fitted it to Gwen’s nose and mouth, covering them with it. 

“When is Martha coming?” asked Ianto. 

“She said she was leaving London right now,” Jack responded, gripping onto his hand like a lifeline. “A few hours, maybe.”

“You said it was going to be fine,” he said weakly. “You said it was like the flu.”

“I thought it would be,” responded Jack weakly. “She - I don’t know. I should have called Martha before, I should have-”

“-You couldn’t have done anything-”

“-I should have done more,” Jack cut him off, yelling. “I couldn’t - I couldn’t save Tosh and Owen, and I - I can’t save Gwen either. This is my fault.”

“Everything isn’t your fault,” Ianto chided. “How would you have known?”

“I should have,” said Jack, and refused to speak any further. 

The two of them sat there quietly, Jack holding onto Gwen’s hand tightly, leaning against Ianto’s shoulder. Ianto placed his hand over the two of theirs, and stared anxiously at the slow rise and fall of Gwen’s chest. As long as she was breathing, she was still alive. 

If Gwen - if anything happened to her, Ianto wasn’t sure what he was going to do. He felt almost in a state of shock, as if he couldn’t quite perceive the world around him. 

They stayed there, the hours ticking by, Rift mercifully quiet, until the alarms blared, cog door sliding open, and Martha running inside. 

“Where is she,” she said, running towards them, and gasped, kneeling down next to the both of them. “What’s that?” 

“Twenty-seventh century oxygen mask,” Jack explained. “She wasn’t breathing properly.”

“Alright,” she said. “Help me move her to the Medbay and we’ll start her on an IV, and lower that fever of hers. Then we’ll see what we can do.”

* * *

“What did you say it was called again?” asked Martha, leaning over Gwen’s bed. She hadn’t gotten any better in the last few days when Martha had first arrived, and short of keeping Gwen breathing through the mask, there didn’t seem to be much that she could do.

“I said, I thought it was neo-polio,” said Jack, looking exhausted. “But I don’t know.”

“Did he pick up?” Ianto asked, handing both Martha and Jack their coffee mugs. “He’s got to have picked up by now.”

Martha had studiously been calling the Doctor ever since she had arrived, but he had yet to pick up or give any sign that he had noticed. It made Ianto beyond angry.

His best friend was dying, and there was nothing anyone could do about it - the only person who might have been able to help was nowhere to be found. 

“No,” said Martha angrily. “Not once.”

“Call again,” demanded Jack. “Keep calling until he picks up.”

“Jack-”

“No Martha,” he demanded. “Call him.”

“Jack we have to start thinking about if he doesn’t show,” said Martha, looking a little teary-eyed. “Does her husband know?”

“Rhys doesn’t have to know because she is going to be fine,” said Jack. “Call him.”

“I will but-”

“-She has to,” he choked. “She has to be fine. Please, Martha.”

“Alright,” she conceded, and pulled out her phone, walking away. 

“Jack-” Ianto said. “We need to tell Rhys.”

“We are not telling him because she’ll be fine,” said Jack, looking away. 

“Jack we need to start-” he started to say, before Jack interrupted. 

“-We need to do nothing. I don’t know why you’re ready to give up-”

“I’m not bloody giving up,” Ianto erupted. “Gwen might _die_ and I am just trying to keep this place functioning while you look for a cure that might not even get here! I’m not bloody giving up, I'm trying to be realistic. I’m trying to do the right thing.”

His voice cracked at the end, and he sunk his head into his hands, breathing harshly. Jack’s hands came to wrap around him and he sagged, realizing truly the extent of what was happening. 

“She’s going to die,” he rasped. 

“No she won’t,” demanded Jack. “I - if the Doctor doesn’t show up by tomorrow, I’m going to freeze her.”

“Cryo?” asked Ianto, shocked. He pulled away from Jack’s embrace and looked at him in shock.

“It’s the only way,” said Jack, looking defeated. “We can unfreeze her when we find a cure, and that way she won’t-”

He trailed off and Ianto understood. The Doctor had a notoriously horrible sense of timing - Jack had told him that he only meant to be gone for a week, but had instead been dropped off three months later. If they froze her, she might still have a chance at life. However long it took to find one, there was at least the guarantee that Jack would be alive to get it for her, even if he wasn’t. 

“Someone has to tell Rhys,” he said. “He deserves a goodbye. Who knows how long it might take to-”

Ianto trailed off but he knew Jack understood. 

* * *

“Are you sure?” Martha asked as they strapped Gwen into the cryo chamber. 

“This is the only way,” Jack said, his voice somber and tired. “I - I wish there was anything else we could do.”

Ianto stood next to Rhys, who was quietly crying, and placed a hand over his shoulder. Since the morning he had not uttered a word, not knowing what to say. He watched as Jack removed the mask from her face and gestured to Rhys.

He walked forwards, tears streaming down his face, and brushed Gwen’s hair back, placing a quick peck to Gwen’s lips. 

“I love you,” said Rhys with a shaky voice. “I’ll always love you. I-”

He cut off and Jack pulled him into a hug and let Rhys sob into his shoulder, slightly pulling him away so Ianto could say his goodbye.

He walked forwards on autopilot and looked down at his best friend’s face, cognizant of the fact that it might be the last time he might see her. He didn’t think he could speak, the lump in his throat so painful that he felt like he might cry out in pain. 

Martha took his hand and squeezed it silently. He didn’t speak, nor did he cry - he wasn’t capable of doing anything really - and he just stood there and listened to Rhys sob and drank in the sight of Gwen, perhaps for the last time - who knew when they would find a cure? 

It wasn’t fair. 

It wasn’t fair. Tosh and Owen had died so soon, the enormous weight of losing them not yet lifted from their chests, and now Gwen was following them, rushing into the dark, leaving him before he was ready. 

It was supposed to be Gwen that died last. It was supposed to be Gwen that had a happy, fulfilling life, a full life filled with joy and happiness and whatever else she wanted because she deserved to live, she deserved to live a long life. 

She didn’t deserve this. 

He gave her a final look, then turned to Jack and nodded, ready to slide her away. That was when he heard a noise, and something finally went right. 

He heard a faint whooshing noise that grew louder and louder until it finally stopped, and behind them stood a blue police box. Out popped out the Doctor. 

“Martha why have you called me five hundred times? What kind of trouble have you gotten yourself into?” he said, grinning maniacally. Ianto felt his heart soar at the sight. 

“Doctor,” said Jack, half sobbing. “Your timing is absolute shit.”

* * *

“Were you scared?” asked Gwen after it was all over. 

She was wrapped in a blanket, a mug of fresh coffee in her hands, sitting next to Ianto on the sofa. Rhys had been persuaded to take a nap, having stayed awake the night before with the rest of them, and Martha and Jack were with the Doctor in Jack’s office talking. 

“Yes,” he answered honestly. “Seeing you there - like that-”

He didn’t continue, and Gwen pecked his cheek, then leaned her head on his shoulder. 

“I didn’t really know what was going on,” said Gwen. “The last thing I remember was playing with that thing you brought back, then nothing.”

“The Doctor says it was that thing that gave you it,” Ianto said. 

The Doctor had taken Gwen into the TARDIS and done a series of tests before determining that it was a strain of neo-polio, just like Jack thought, only genetically modified to be much, much worse. During a war in the Forty-Sixth century, the Selbs had fought the Flibians, and they had engineered a strain of neo-polio and put it in childrens toys, passing it to the Flibians and giving their children a significantly worse strain of polio. The biological weapon had somehow been sucked through the Rift, and ended up in Cardiff. 

Both Gwen and Jack had touched it, but Jack had apparently been vaccinated for it, which was why only Gwen had suffered the horrible disease. It was a reminder of how uncertain their lives were, how close to death they could reach on a daily basis. 

“I wish it was me,” said Ianto, in a rare bout of honesty. He couldn’t express anything to her in her cryo bed, he had felt far too much to do that, but he felt the urge to say it to her now. 

“I don’t,” she said instantly. “I would never want-”

“-I know,” said Ianto quickly. “I know you would never. But I never want you to - I wouldn’t ever-”

“-I know,” she cut him off. “But you can’t just say these things. You’re living a long, healthy life, you hear. Long enough to retire and become - oh I don’t know - a bee farmer.”

“A bee farmer?”

“Yeah! You can take Jack with you,” she continued with a smile. “He can stand there being useless and looking all pretty, and you can do all the actual work. Just like now.”

He laughed. “And where would you be in this scenario?”

“Obviously I would have a berry farm right next to yours,” she laughed. “I’ll make jam, you can make honey, and we can sell them together.”

“You’ll have your berry farm,” said Ianto. 

“And you’ll have your bee farm too,” Gwen responded, sounding sure of herself.

“We’re not both getting out of here,” he whispered in response. “When I die, you get out of here, okay?”

“You’re not dying-” Gwen demanded, but he continued. 

“I’m being realistic,” he said. “After I die, you get out of here.”

“And if I die first?” she challenged. 

“You won’t,” said Ianto, and he knew it to be a fact. “I won’t let it happen.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Kudos/Comments are always appreciated!
> 
> Find me on tumblr [here](https://violetmessages.tumblr.com/)
> 
> I hope you have a lovely day!


End file.
